Commentary

Do They Know What Patronising Means?

All I want for Christmas this year is…another version of Band Aid, another version of the same old stigmatizing ode of guilt and patronizing pity of Sub-Saharan Africa.

You probably saw it somewhere in your facebook/twitter-feed or maybe the radio has already started to annoy you with this christmas’s most pathetic carol: Bob Geldorf and his fresh team to save the world (Can “One Direction” members even find Sierra Leone on a map?) have recorded “Do they know it’s Christmas time at all” for a fourth time.

And as if the first few versions didn’t do harm enough by setting the whole African continent equal to an Ethiopian famine or the Darfur crisis, this year’s crew decided to apparently use this logo for the release of the 30 year anniversary remake.

Yes, Band Aid is really all about Ebola this time – similarly to Africa being all about Ebola, or Ebola all about in Africa. They even adopted the lyrics from dramatizing hunger to dramatizing ‘E30la’ including some weird lines about Geldorf, Bono and co going out to touch Africans this Christmas (even though they warn you later that to be touch is to be scared)…

The haunting image of Bono coming over to fondle me would make me forget about Christmas too.

For a great deconstruction of the new lyrics I recommend this piece by the Guardian’s Stuart Jeffries who seems to be equally as confused as myself.

At least Band Aid improved a bit on their geography over the years and sing only about West Africa this time – even though the guy writing the lyrics must have forgotten to tell the bloke making the logo. On top of that, Nigerians, Malians or Burkinese must be pretty surprised that Bob Geldorf and his gang just expressed their condolences for their lack of joy and fun during this festive season.

Other West Africans who prefer the mosque over church might actually really not care about Christmas this year, but I’d say that’s more a general thing and Ebola cannot be blamed for that.

Today I also had to find out that Bobby G is expanding his patronizing humanitarian crusade to other countries and turns it into a franchise. He has flown into Germany and recruited some (formerly) great musicians for a German version of this 2014 ode to joy. I had realized that Max Herre turned into a douche, but wouldn’t have expected it from Campino.

I guess it’s time to delete my “Toten Hosen” and “Freundeskreis” albums from my iPod. Campino stated: “It’s less about art, but about the gesture.” I say it’s mostly about you not thinking about the impact of your action.

A final fun fact for the German readership: Even the rapper Haftbefehl is jeopardizing his street cred to be part of this fabulous project (for the non-Germans, the last time I checked he did this kinda stuff)

Somehow I thought the world had moved ahead – but I guess it’s time to promote the “Africa For Norway” campaign again. Watching their great video will make you grasp why Bandaid is just ridiculous. However, 2 million+ views on youtube apparently have not been enough.

Ignorance prevails.

I have always found these charity songs fairly annoying but being in Tanzania for this Band Aid season, I actually got furious. I blame people like Geldorf, Bono and their friends for the fact that friends around here have lost their jobs and many Tanzanians will actually have some more problems than usual around this year’s Christmas time. However, they are not sick of Ebola or die of hunger under the burning African sun, but they lost their income as tour guides, porters or hotel staff because of stupid Westerners cancelling up to 80% of their trips to East Africa.

Apparently, they are afraid to catch Ebola thousands of miles away from its source. Yet, now that I think about it – maybe they also fear Bob Geldof’s smeary hands touching them during their Christmas safari.

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